The ISR grew out of a pedagogical initiative at CCA that aimed to rethink notions of "the commune" through collaborative art practice. Brian Conley, who was then the chair of graduate fine arts at CCA, invited the conceptual artist Christian Jankowski to the Bay Area, along with his 12 students from an art school in Stuttgart. The international students (as well as several of those from CCA) lived together for 90 days in a communal house on Ocean Beach and there made a tremendous amount of work that blurred boundaries of artist and audience, author and actor, cause and effect, individual and group, art and life.
The ISR produced numerous "projects" everyday. These projects were often organized by one artist, but required the group's involvement to complete, use, enact, or demonstrate the project. There was a dinner party during which everyone wore ear plugs, enjoying food for the sound it makes inside the head. There was a single breath passed from mouth to mouth, through the entire commune as it lined the Golden Gate Bridge. When street-scrounged couches were no longer desired for the group's living room, they were turned into a jacuzzi that served as the centerpiece for a debaucherous Halloween party. The artists slept for a night with their heads at the center of a circle to see if such close proximity would affect their dreams.
Some artists recorded in minutia, the workings of the house -- the decision-making processes, the household objects collected over time, the sleeping patterns, the money matters -- while others scoured the urban landscape in search of utopian leftovers. At one point during the semester, the artists ventured into the outer reaches of the Bay Area looking for examples of communalism. One found a commune in the naval shipyards while another found a commune in northern California amidst a group of Midwestern redneck refugees. Over and over, the ISR's approach to communalism, art-making, collaboration, and California was fresh and vital.
I met the group towards the end of their 90-day stint in San Francisco and was immediately enthralled. I was fascinated by the way they perceived the Bay Area and its hippie legacy. I was intrigued too by the way they made decisions, even conversation. Everything happened by consensus which was difficult given that more a dozen language were spoken by the group collectively. From the start I sensed their fascination with communication and miscommunication, happy slippages and poetic misreadings. Moreover I was captivated by the incredible spirit of the group. They immediately took me in, seduced me. I went to their house to give a lecture on Drop City and to learn about their project and ended up joining a jam session in the music room. I stomped out a rhythm on the floor while pianos and tambourines vibrated together in the dark.
A storm of magical events, a bunch of German art money and the ISR's enduring quest for the ultimate collaboration made possible a set of exhibitions and a massive catalog that were produced over the subsequent 9 months. It feels inaccurate to call myself the curator of these shows. Basically, I helped to organize a bunch of logistics and communications (particularly harrowing was the challenge to find free housing for 8 artists -- turned out to be 24! -- in the East Bay near public transportation for three weeks, but it came together beautifully). What happened during our exhibition-making time together was indescribable, yet left lasting impressions on all involved. Without going into too much detail, I should note a few basic ways that working with the ISR has contributed to my thinking about Red Legacy.
1) Curating a project like the ISR is not about directing or even about art. It's about creating opportunities for things to happen. Nothing goes very far without some level of facilitation, nor does anything happen in the face of too much planning or too many rules. I'm constantly learning about this delicate balance of control and freedom.
2) Most institutions have a hard time with on-site experimentation. It's hard to argue full freedom for artists, and even harder for institutions to follow through with letting this happen. Schools, underground gallery spaces, parties, and foreign soil are some great places to experiment; museums or public non-profits are not. My main job as the curator of these projects was to fight for the artists to have access, freedom, money, time, and respect.
3) Incredible things happen when groups of people are put together for extended periods of time. When a group loses track of the beginning and end of their time together, the middle becomes extremely potent. It's important to get lost in time, but to have a limited amount of time in which to allow oneself to get lost. It's also nice to have repeated periods of togetherness. I loved how the ISR had 90 days of uber-togetherness in San Francisco, six months of quasi-togetherness in disparate parts of the globe, 3 weeks of togetherness in the East Bay, a month apart, and 2 weeks more-or-less together in Stuttgart.
4) Limitations allow things to blossom. Some amount of struggle brings a group of people together. The ISR thrived in the face of their limits and on numerous levels they subverted poverty, language barriers, lack of private space with their innovative adaptations.
5) One of the most important things I did for the ISR, aside from providing occasional food, beer and shelter, was to be a sounding board for their collaboration. Most of my ideas were rejected or ignored (this was life under group-rule after all), but my ideas were material for the group to react against. I asked a lot of questions and made a ton of proposals, but never had the last word about anything. I have learned a lot about choosing battles.
6) As a curator working with a group like the ISR, it was imperative that I serve as some sort of translator between the sponsoring institutions and the artists, as well as between the audience and the presented work. Many people asked, "why is this art?" and although I have a personal aversion to this kind of conversation, it was really important to have an open exchange about the value of making and of doing.
7) Place has everything to do with potent collaboration. The foreign students thrived in San Francisco, because they were not subjected to their daily lives. The local students could not participate at the same level due to jobs, apartments, relationships, and classes. This is one of many instances when I've seen the power of physical removal in empowering a developing group process.
A blog is the not the proper venue to unload my tales and observations of this group. There is much I could say about the experience of working with the ISR and about their work itself. I'm in the process of writing a chapter about the ISR for a forth-coming anthology on California communes and I've written an essay in the ISR's 447-page catalog; more of my ISR-related ramblings can be found there.
The artists involved in the Institute for Social Research include: Michelle Blade, Luke Butler, Donna Chung, Dina Danish, Christina Empedocles, Martina Geiger-Gerlach, Patrick W. Gillespie, Kamil Goerlich, Robert Goerlich, Tanor Hudson, Jana Jacob, Anita Kapraljevic, Byung Chul Kim, Florian Klette, Paul Kramer, Travis Joseph Meinolf, Nicholas Meyer, Helena Rempel, Cristina Rodrigo, Rosa Rücker, Marco Schmitt, Ines Lilith Schreiner, Gareth Spor, Kestutis Svirnelis, Sara Thacher, Christoph Trendel, and Pablo Wendel.
"The Institute for Social Research and the Discovery of Art God" were a set of experimental exhibitions made possible by Ministry for Science, Research and Art, Baden-Württemberg; Rectorship of the State Academy of Fine Arts, Stuttgart; Friends of the State Academy of Fine Arts, Stuttgart; DAAD German Academic Exchange Service; California College of the Arts, San Francisco; Staatlichen Akademie der Bildenden Künste Stuttgart; Württembergischer Kunstverein Stuttgart; The Richmond Art Center, Richmond, CA; The German Consulate of San Francisco; Lobot Gallery, Oakland and many more!
There it is again: The ISR-thingy
ReplyDeleteChapter 2: Lawnmower Dog
ReplyDelete"Take that zombie!" Lincoln shouted. "Feel my twerk, you evil jerk!" Lincoln was in the living room, wearing VR goggles, playing a game where in order to kill zombies, he needed to twerk at them. Meanwhile, Lynn Sr. was watching TV, trying to ignore his son twerking all over the room while Lana was currently playing with the family's pet dog, Charles. A Pitbull Terrier dog with a black spot over his eye and a black concentric circle on his back.
"Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?" Lana cooed as she gave the dog some intense petting. Unfortunately, the dog was having too much fun and thoughtlessly peed on the carpet.
"Aw Charles!" Lana chastised, disappointed in the dog.
"Aw come on Charles!" Lynn Sr. yelled in frustration. "I thought we trained you better than this?" Lynn Sr. then got up and grabbed the dog's head, stuffing his face into the carpet. "Bad dog! Bad!"
Rick then walked into the room. After seeing Lincoln twerking around the room, completely unaware of anything that was going on, he decided to immediately leave.
"Hey Dad, wait, have you got a minute?" Lynn Sr. asked.
Rick sighed. "What?"
"You wouldn't by any chance have some sort of invention or a device that might help make Charles a little smarter, would you?" Lynn Sr. asked.
While Rick loved his son, he got a little annoyed at his tendency to not think things through sometimes. "I thought the whole point of having a dog was to feel superior, Lynn. If I were you, I wouldn't pull that thread."
"Yeah maybe Grandpa Rick's right," Lana chipped in. "Maybe we shouldn't mess with Charles' head like that."
"Oh come Dad," Lynn Sr. begged. "It's just a dog, I'm sure I can handle it if he starts acting out or anything. Please?"
Rick sighed again. He knew he'd regret this later but he decided he'd rather just let Lynn face the consequences than argue any further. "Boy, you really got me up against a wall this time, Lynn." Rick then left to go to the garage and then came back with an odd helmet which he then placed on Charles' head.
"All right Charlie-what's his name?"
"Charles," Lana answered.
"Charles, shake," Rick ordered, and to the others' surprise, the spotted-eye dog perfectly understood Rick and shook his hand.
"Roll over."
Charles once again did exactly as told.
"Go to the bathroom."
At that last order, Charles then went upstairs. The three heard the toilet flush before Charles came back downstairs.
"Oh my God!" Lynn Sr. exclaimed in awe.
"No way!" Lana exclaimed, equally in awe.
"Yeah, you're at the top of your game now, Lynn. Have fun." Rick groaned before leaving.
Meanwhile, Lincoln's game had ended up taking him upstairs. As he kept dancing, he did a pelvic thrust to kill another zombie "Hoo!"
"Lincoln!" Lori's voice growled in anger. Lincoln took off the device to see that his game had led him into Lori's room. The sight of his sister's look of fury caused him to jump. "Aahhh!"
"There's only one rule in this house!" Lori threatened. "Stay out of my bedroom! If I catch you in here again, I will literally turn you into a human pretzel!" Lori went back to her phone, her tone changing from angry to pleasant. "No, not you, Bobby. One sec, okay?" Lori then pushed Lincoln out the room and slammed the door on him.
Deciding not to let Lori bother him, Lincoln simply put the VR game back on and continued playing. He then danced into the bathroom before taking off the VR goggles. "Zombies don't need to see this." Before Lincoln could go, someone knocked on the door. "Occupied." Lincoln called out. The person knocking seemed to have ignored him and started pounding on the door. "I can't believe some..." Lincoln muttered before opening the door to see Lori still talking on the phone.
ReplyDelete"Bobby, you'll never guess what Whitney said to me today."
"That you don't respect a man's privacy?" Lincoln asked, getting fed up with his sister's attitude.
Lori simply ignored him, still talking on the phone. "No, silly! Not even. She was all like..." was all Lincoln heard before Lori shut him out of the bathroom.
Lincoln decided there was no use in in trying to talk to her so he made his way back to his room. That was until he realized something. "Oh no! My gaming goggles!"
Lincoln ran back to the bathroom and started pounding on the door. "Lori!" Lincoln called out. Lori then slammed the door open, ran out and then ran downstairs. Lincoln looked into the bathroom to see his VR goggles on the floor completely broken. "She stepped on my goggles!" Lincoln stated. "Nooo!" Enraged, Lincoln ran downstairs and went outside to see Lori driving off in the family van. "Lori! You dirt bag!"
Lincoln decided to air his grievances towards Lori to Rick in the garage. "One minute I'm electric-sliding with the undead, and the next..." Lincoln let out a groan of frustration. "It's all Lori's fault!"
"Mhm," Rick hummed, only really half paying attention as he was working on something.
"She didn't even say sorry!" Lincoln continued to rant. "Lori's a monster! All she cares about is talking on her stupid phone! And don't get me started on what she's like whenever Mom and Dad go out and she's left in charge! Every time Lori's in charge, she makes our lives miserable. She gets a sick thrill from bossing us around, which will probably happen again since Mom and Dad are going out in a couple days. She is 'literally' the worst!"
"Yeah, sounds like a real doozy Lincoln. But y-you're in luck because I've got something that'll solve this Lori problem," Rick said.
"You do?" Lincoln asked, not expecting Rick to actually have a solution.
"Take a look at this," Rick told Lincoln as he gestured to a tiny metal ear piece like device.
"What's that?" Lincoln asked.
"It's a device, Lincoln, that when you put it in your ear, you can enter people's dreams, Lincoln. It's just like that movie, Inception. This is gonna be a lot like that, except, you know, it's gonna may-make sense," Rick explained. "Listen, we're gonna go find Lori, put her to sleep and we're gonna incept the idea in her brain to stop acting like a bitch. Alright?"
"Um... ok?" Lincoln was unsure if this was a good idea or not, and even though he was getting used to his grandfather's foul mouth, he still flinched slightly... but even he and his siblings let out 'damn' every once in a while when Rita and their father were around.
"Come on, let's just get over there and deal with this thing. W-we're gonna incept your sister," Rick rambled as the two got into Rick's space cruiser, a vehicle which looked like a cross between a car and a UFO, which was built from the many things across the garage and house.
Rick flew the cruiser to the mall and lowered it into the parking lot.
"How did you know Lori was at the mall?" Lincoln asked as he and Rick got out the space cruiser and made their way to the mall.
"Your sister, Lisa, put tracking devices on all of you. She's smart, but not smart enough to stop me from hacking into them," Rick answered plainly.
ReplyDelete"I have so many questions about what you just said," Lincoln stated incredulously.
"Don't think too hard about it Lincoln," Rick told him as they entered the mall. "W-we've got a job to do." Rick looked around the mall until he managed to spot Lori. "There she is," Rick stated, pointing at her. She was currently walking around though it looked like she was looking for something.
"Ok, so how exactly are gonna go into her dreams when she's wide awake?" Lincoln asked Rick.
"Don't worry Lincoln, I have a plan for this exact situation," Rick said as he started typing on his phone.
Lori's phone rumbled. She picked it up to see she had gotten a text from Rick. It said that he needed to talk to her about something serious and she needed to go somewhere private to call him.
Lori raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?" she asked herself, slightly confused by the message. There weren't a lot of private places in the mall so she decided to go to the restroom. Once inside, Rick got out a poster with the words 'Out of order' on it and placed it on the door. Careful to make sure no one was looking, Rick and Lincoln slipped into the girl's restroom. As luck would have it, no one else besides Lori was in there. Rick then immediately got out a tranquillizer gun and shot Lori, causing her to immediately pass out. Rick then got out another device to lock the door.
"Ok, this seems really, REALLY questionable," Lincoln said nervously.
"Don't worry Lincoln, I got it all under control," Rick casually stated as he then made his way to a security camera to hack into it. He then sat down next to Lori and placed his inception device into her ear. "Get yourself comfortable Lincoln. This is gonna get weird." Lincoln did as Rick said and got himself comfortable on the floor as best he could. Rick then placed another inception device into his ear before putting one in his own causing both of them to immediately pass out as they entered Lori's dream.
Back at the Loud house, Lynn Sr. was still testing out Charles' new intelligence in the living room along with Leni with Lana simply watching them. "Now bring me my slippers," Lynn Sr. commanded.
Once again, Charles did exactly that while Leni was recording him on her phone. "Ooh, ooh," Leni shouted to get the dog's attention. "Come sit on my lap." Charles got up onto Leni's lap. Leni started stroking him as she was still recording him.
"See, this is what I'm talking about. Now that is a dog!" Lynn Sr. happily stated.
"Is it really though?" Lana argued, catching her dad off guard.
"Huh?"
"I mean, why does Charles need to be smart? Can't a dog just be a dog? Is being smart really gonna make him happy?" Lana pondered, concerned about her dog.
"Honey, I'm sure he's fine," Lynn Sr. said reassuringly to his worrying daughter. "Grandpa Rick just made him a little smarter. He's not made him aggressive or anything."
Charles then jumped down from Leni's lap and turned to face everyone before he then tried to speak. "Ooowwwwowowwaawaa!"
"Like, oh my gosh, he's trying to tell us something!" Leni squealed. "That is totes cute!"
The dog then tried to speak again. "Aaaawwaaaaawaawa!"
"I think he's saying 'I love lasagna'," Lynn Sr. guessed.
It almost looked like Charles was frowning before he tried speaking again. "Ooooyayawawa!"
Leni gasped. "I think he's saying 'I love Lana'!" Leni squealed, unaware of the dog shaking his head. "Eeeee! That is totes cute! I like, have to post this online right now!" Leni then left the room to presumably do that.
"Aww, looks like someone remembers who found him in the first place," Lynn Sr. laughed. "I remember it like it was yesterday. You wouldn't stop crying until we agreed to keep him."
ReplyDeleteAs Lynn Sr. kept talking to Lana, who was now interested in her dad's story, neither of them were aware of Charles who had walked over to the window to look at his reflection. He then fiddled with the helmet until the battery compartment opened. Recognising them, he then walked into the kitchen and opened a drawer full of batteries.
Meanwhile, Lincoln and Rick had found themselves in Lori's dream. They were in a fancy restaurant that was practically empty apart from the employees, Lori, and her boyfriend, Bobby. After spotting her, Lincoln and Rick hid behind a table. "Say what do we do if Lori wakes up?" Lincoln asked.
"She can't," Rick replied. "I made the device so that whoever's dreaming can't wake up until whoever's entering the dream leaves."
Both of them then focused on Lori who was sitting at a table with Bobby. She looked like she was currently on a date with Bobby as she was wearing a blue dress. "Oh Bobby, it was so sweet of you to set up a date like this."
"Anything for you babe," Bobby smiled at her. Bobby had tan skin, and black hair with a tuft combed upwards. Usually whenever Lincoln saw him, he wore blue jeans and a cream-colored T-shirt under a green unbuttoned shirt. However, this dream version of Bobby was wearing a black tuxedo.
"So how do you want to go about this?" Rick asked. "I-I mean, since this is you two's issue, I think I'll let you call the shots here."
"Hmm," Lincoln thought to himself for a moment. "Guess I'll just make it as clear as possible." Lincoln stated as he got up and walked towards her. "Hey Lori!" Lincoln called out to her.
Lori heard Lincoln. She looked over then stood up in a panic. "L-Lincoln?! What are you doing here?" Lori stammered.
"To tell you that you are seriously the worst sister ever. You are the meanest and bossiest person I've ever met. You need to start treating me and the rest of your sisters better," Lincoln bellowed at her as she cowered from him.
"Yeah dude, you need to chill out more. Loosen up and just feel the music," Luna said, coming out of no where. As she finished that sentence, she strummed her guitar with the loudest strum that Lincoln, Lori and Rick felt like they ever heard.
"Ok, what's going here?" Lincoln questioned as he didn't expect Luna to suddenly show up.
"Ah! Hey!" Lori then yelped as a mud pie had hit her on the back of her head.
"Mud fight!" Lana shouted as she threw another one at Lori who yelped as she dodged it. Suddenly, the entire restaurant started to morph.
"Rick, what's happening?" Lincoln asked Rick who walked over to Lincoln.
"You're changing the dream Lincoln! You ever had those stray thoughts you have in dreams that completely change what you're dreaming about? Y-You're that stray thought Lincoln!" Rick explained as the restaurant had morphed into the Loud's home with the rest of the Loud siblings causing some kind of chaos. Bobby had disappeared and Lori was now back in her regular clothes.
"Well shit. Got-Gotta admit, kinda hoped we'd see more a interesting dream than just being back home again," Rick stated before he was suddenly tackled to the floor by Lana and Lola. "Gah!"
"No swearing!" Lana shouted as they began to wrestle him. Unsure of what to, Lincoln just watched, cringing at what was happening.
"Aah, help me Lincoln!" Rick called out. "They're dream versions of your sisters so they're stronger than usual Lincoln. I can't stop them. Lincoln help! This is embarrassing! I-I'm getting beaten up by six year olds Lincoln! I can't do anything about it. Ohh. It's the most humiliating thing ever Lincoln. W-Why aren't you helping me Lincoln?!"
ReplyDeleteThe twins had managed to tie up Rick, completely restricting his arms before carrying him upstairs. "That can't be good," Lincoln stated to himself.
Back in the real world. Lynn Sr., Leni and Luna were sitting in the living room when Charles came in, his helmet looking more advanced with a robotic arm now attached to it.
Lynn Sr. had a look of concern when he noticed the dog. "Whoa! Hey, buddy. What you got going on there?"
Charles was able to reply using a synthesized voice. "Charles fix. Make better. Humans understand Charles now?"
Leni squealed. "He can talk now? That is like, so awesome!"
Lynn Sr. wasn't any where near as thrilled as Leni was. "Ok, now I see what Lana was getting at." Lynn Sr. got up to try and remove the helmet. "Alright, fun's over."
"Wait Dad!" Luna said, grabbing her dad's arm to stop him. "You can't just give an animal sentience and then take it away. That's gotta be immoral."
"R-right, well um..." Lynn Sr. babbled nervously before patting the dog's head, unsure of what else to do besides try and keep him happy. "You're a good dog aren't you?"
Lynn Sr. nervously smiled at the dog. Charles however, simple ignored him and picked up the remote, changing the channel to a nature documentary.
"A sophisticated predator, nature's perfect killing machine, the vicious wolf stalks its prey with purpose and skill," the voiceover stated as the TV showed footage of some wolves. "It was only with years of selective breeding and genetic altering that this noble beast was transformed into man's subservient little buddy."
As the TV showed footage of a dog show, no one noticed Charles' frowning intensely at it. "OMG, he like, recognizes the dogs on that show!" Leni stated obliviously.
Back in Lori's dream, Lori was trying to control everyone but to no avail. "Luna turn that off right now!" Lori tried shouting at Luna, who was standing on top of two giant amps which were playing her music at an extremely high volume. Luna seemed to have not even heard as she then played it even louder, blasting Lori into another room. "Aaaah!"
Lori landed next to Leni who currently on the phone. "No way! That's totes cray cray!"
"Leni, get off the phone. Now!" Lori demanded. She then tried to take the phone off her but couldn't as Leni seemed to have superhuman strength. Leni simply pushed her away which sent Lori to the floor. Lynn suddenly then poured a bucket of dirt all over her face. "Aah" Lori got up, spitting out the dirt and wiping it off her face. "Lynn, what are you doing?" Lori shouted.
"Can't ride a dirt bike without dirt," Lynn answered plainly.
Lori growled in frustration. "All right that's it," Lori said before shouting at the top of her lungs. "MOM AND DAD ARE GONNA BE HOME IN 10 MINUTES!"
To her complete shock, everyone completely ignored her. "This is literally a nightmare! Why aren't they listening to me?" Lori questioned as she started to panic.
Lincoln then approached her with a neutral expression on his face. "Because you're in a dream."
"What?" Lori asked.
"Grandpa Rick made an invention that can enter people's dreams. So now we're in yours."
"So it's your fault we're here!" Lori accused, getting angry at Lincoln. "Well then you better help me out of this!"
"Why should I?" Lincoln shouted, getting just as angry as Lori as he got up into her face. "What have you done for me lately? Besides insult me, threaten me, boss me around and, oh yeah, break my game!"
ReplyDeleteLori backed off. She was trying to stay mad but she was getting slightly more and more upset. "I-I was going to buy you a new one!"
"Huh."
"Why did you think I went out? I was going to buy you a replacement!" Lori explained. She tried to shout but her voice was getting more strained.
"Well, why didn't you say anything?" Lincoln asked. "You could have at least said sorry!"
"I..." Lori trailed off as she didn't really have an answer to that. Suddenly an explosion went off. "What was that?" Lori asked, alarmed.
Lisa then showed up. "It's science. You wouldn't understand." Lisa said before a giant tentacle from upstairs showed up causing both Lincoln and Lori to scream.
"Aaaaaahhhhh!"
"Quick, into the basement!" Lori commanded. They both ran in there, closing the door behind them and putting their backs to the door.
Meanwhile upstairs in Lana and Lola's room, Rick was still tied up with Lana and Lola guarding him. "Well kids, you had your fun. Now are you little shits gonna let me out or what?" Rick asked before Lola suddenly smashed his head with a golf club. "ARGH! MOTHERFU-"
Before he could finish, Lana shouted over him. "What did we tell ya? NO SWEARING!"
Back in the real world, night had fallen and a thunderstorm had started. Leni was struggling to sleep through the storm. After another stroke of lightning, Leni noticed something at the foot of her bed. She gasped and sat up to see Charles in a robot body, standing at her bedside.
"Where are my testicles, Leni?" Charles asked.
"Oh no, did you lose them? Do you need my help? I could help look for them if you want?" Leni innocently offered. Charles silently stared at her in response.
Luan was struggling to sleep through the storm. After another stroke of lightning, Luan noticed something at the foot of her bed. She gasped and sat up to see Charles in a robot body, standing at her bedside.
"Where are my testicles, Luan?" Charles asked. Luan stared at him silently, not knowing what to answer. "Where are my testicles, Luan? They were removed. Where have they gone?"
"Erm...I don't know." Luan answered, visibly scared of the dog. In the bunk bed above her, Luna yawned and sat up. "Dudes, what's with the ruckus?" Luna asked before looking over her bed. "Charles? What the-"
"Do not call me that." Charles interupted as he punched the wall causing both girls to scream. "'Charles' was my slave name. You shall now call me Spot. Because of my spotted eye."
"T-That's cool Spot dude!" Luna smiled nervously, giving a thumbs up.
"B-Bet it wouldn't be hard to spot you out of a crowd huh? Heh heh." Luan joked nervously.
"Speaking of crowds." Spot continued. "Tell me, Luan, if a human was born with stumpy legs, would they breed it with another deformed human and put their children on display like the dachshund?"
"Uhhh..."
Suddenly, the door flew open as Lynn Sr. and Rita charged in. "What's happening? Why was there screaming?" Lynn Sr. asked before noticing Spot. "Oh dear."
"Lynn, come to rub my face in urine again?" Spot asked sarcastically.
"N-no, why would I do something like that? I-I was just um... asking our daughters if they wanna go on one of our famous midnight family walks!" Lynn Sr. nervously lied.
Luan quickly got out of bed and Luna jumped off hers. "Sounds like a good idea to me dudes!" Luna exclaimed with fake enthusiasm.
However, as they tried to leave, the exit got blocked by another dog controlling a robot suit. "You will walk when it is time to walk," Spot stated.
ReplyDeleteSuddenly Leni ran into the room. "Guys, I'm trying to find Charles' test results, have any of you seen them?"
In Lori's dream, Lincoln and Lori still had their backs to the door but had sat down with both of them hugging their legs. Lori was looking rather upset. Lincoln started to speak. "So, guess it isn't as fun being in charge when no one listens to you huh?"
Lori turned to Lincoln with an angry yet distressed look on her face. "You think I enjoy this? Unfortunately, I'm the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble!" Lori spat at Lincoln before turning her head away.
After a couple seconds of silence, Lincoln swore he could hear her sniffling. "Are you ok, Lori?" Lincoln asked in concern.
"I'm fine," Lori replied back.
Lincoln wasn't convinced as it sounded like she was choking up. "Are you sure?" Lincoln asked.
Suddenly, Lori turned back to Lincoln looking miserable as her eyes were watering. "You said I was the worst sister! Why?!" Lori sobbed.
Lincoln cringed at himself. "I know, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I was just mad because you broke my game and you didn't even say sorry."
Lori wiped her eyes and tried to calm herself down. "I know. I know. I shouldn't have done that. I should have explained myself. I'm sorry for accidentally breaking your game."
Lincoln smiled at her. "Thanks Lori."
"And sorry if I came across as mean today," Lori continued on. "It's just that... well... it can get very stressful having to deal with ten younger siblings. Especially when they come into your room and start breaking your stuff. All I wanted today was some time to myself for once. Was that too much to ask?"
Lincoln empathized with her there as he also liked his privacy. He sighed. "You know, don't take this the wrong way, but I feel like you were a bit more chilled out when we were younger," Lincoln confessed, starting to look downcast. "I feel we got along better back then."
Lori sighed, remembering back to when she had to wear glasses and braces. "Well of course you'd think that. I didn't have as many responsibilities back then. But when you have to deal with high school, work and getting a new sibling nearly every year to look after, it can literally start to get to you."
Lincoln sighed again. "Yeah, I think I understand where your coming from."
They sat in silence for a bit before Lori spoke again. "Look, I'll try to tone down the attitude and not lose my temper as much. Just please respect the fact that I'd like to not have people come in and mess my room up."
Lincoln smiled. "Sure. And sorry for coming into your room like that. And for the whole dream thing."
Lori smiled and placed a hand on Lincoln's shoulder. "And I'm sorry for kicking you out the bathroom. Also don't worry about it. It's just a dream right?"
Lincoln chuckled in response. "Yeah."
"Alright, that's enough feeling sorry for ourselves. How are we going to wake up from this?" Lori asked.
Lincoln thought to himself for a moment before smirking. "Say if we're in a dream, doesn't that mean we could just do whatever we want?"
Lori copied his smirk.
Back in reality, the Loud House had been converted into a factory where the dogs were creating more robot suits. The whole family had been locked in a cage apart from Lana, who was sat in a dog pillow (which she didn't seem to mind) and Leni, who was currently wondering about.
"C-come on Spot," Lynn Sr. begged. "There's no need for this. We didn't mean you any harm! This is just a big misunderstanding."
"Hey, how come Lana gets to stay out the cage?" Lynn asked angrily.
ReplyDelete"She has always been kind to me. She, along with Lincoln, will stay by my side." Spot answered.
"Well what about Leni?"
"...I couldn't bring myself to harm her. She is too pure for this world."
Just then, Leni ran up to Spot looking distressed. "I'm sorry Spot. I've like, tried looking everywhere for your test results but I can't find them any where."
"There there," Spot said as he patted Leni's head. "I am sure you will find them eventually. I believe in you."
Leni cheered up. "Aw thanks Spot." She then left to continue her search.
"This is getting ridiculous!" Lynn Sr. exclaimed in sudden anger. "Let us out of here already!"
"You're being very aggressive, Lynn. Perhaps tomorrow, Dr. Scraps will solve that problem with a bit of surgery," Spot threatened as another dog came up snapping a pair of scissors.
Lynn Sr. then cowered back. "N-no please! I'll do anything, just don't give me a haircut!"
Back in Lori's dream, the door to the basement suddenly exploded open. Lincoln flew out dressed as his favorite superhero, Ace Savvy. Lori walked out looking completely the same.
"Seriously?" Lincoln asked raising an eyebrow.
"Oh don't worry," Lori reassured him before smirking. "I have my own superpower."
Lincoln shrugged before both of them moved into action. Lincoln started by attacking the tentacle with some punches causing it to retreat into Lisa's room. Lori went into the room that Luna was in playing her music. Lori took a deep breath and shouted louder than Luna's music.
"TURN THAT OFF NOW!" The force of Lori's voice caused the amps to topple over along with Luna. Lincoln saw Lynn coming at him with her dirt bike. Lincoln simply held out his foot causing the bike to stop immediately, sending Lynn flying into a wall. Lori noticed Leni still talking on her phone. This time, Lori effortlessly took the phone off her and put it down. "No," Lori said.
"Aww," Leni whined before walking off.
Lincoln and Lori then reunited at the staircase. "Where's Rick?" Lori asked.
"I think Lana and Lola took him to their room," Lincoln replied. The two then made their way upstairs and opened the door to the twins room.
"Hey, you two aren't allowed in here!" Lola shouted before jumping at them with her golf club. Lori simply held up a pile of glitter and blew it outside the door.
Lola immediately stopped what she was doing to chase after the glitter. "Glitter!"
"Yeah well, you won't stop me!" Lana shouted before charging at them.
"GO TO BED!" Lori shouted, causing Lana to immediately fall asleep. Lincoln and Lori then went to untie Rick.
"Jesus, it's about time you tried to help me," Rick complained, rubbing his head.
"I think it's time we woke up now," Lincoln said, smiling.
"About God damn time too," Rick complained again. He then pressed something in Lincoln's ear before pressing his own causing the three of them to wake up.
When they woke up, they noticed the lights had gone out, indicating that the mall had closed. "Have we literally been lying in the girl's restroom all day?" Lori asked, looking around.
"Don't worry, I had it covered," Rick reassured her.
While Rick flew home in his space cruiser, Lincoln had chosen to ride home in the family van with Lori. The two were currently in the middle of a conversation. "So here's the deal," said Lori. I'll loosen up on the rules whenever Mom and Dad go out but in return, you'll back me up whenever any of our sisters start causing trouble. Deal?"
"Sounds good to me," Lincoln replied.
"You know, you're more mature then I gave you credit for," Lori confessed. "How about you and me have a game tomorrow?"
ReplyDelete"Really?" Lincoln asked. His sisters rarely asked to join him in playing video games.
"Yeah," Lori replied before smirking. "Though I hope you're ready to get your butt kicked."
Lincoln laughed. "In your dreams, Lori." The two laughed as Lori parked the van and the two got out. However, they then noticed something odd.
"Why is Rick's space thingy still floating above the house?" Lori asked. Lincoln shrugged. Lori then opened the door to be greeted with an army of dogs in robot suits, including her own dog who was currently sitting in a chair with Lana sitting on a pillow next to him and her family locked in a cage. "Please tell me I'm still dreaming."
"Put the girl with the others and bring the boy to me," Spot commanded.
"Hey!" Lori yelped as two dogs grabbed her and brought her to the cage. Another dog pushed Lincoln forward towards Spot.
"You and Lana were always kind to me, Lincoln. That's why I will leave you with your testicles. From now on, you will be my best friend and live by my side," Spot said gesturing to the pillow opposite of Lana. Feeling that he might not have a choice. Lincoln obeyed the dog and sat down.
"Hey Lincoln, what've you been doing all day?" Lana asked.
"Oh you know. The usual weirdness? You?"
"Yeah, same with us."
Spot then turned to one of his men and gave the order that would forever change the world into his vision. "Begin phase two."
"Fighting continues as the dog army captures the eastern seaboard. It appears clear at this time that the era of human superiority has come to a bitter end!" the reporter announced before two dogs busted in, causing her to scream. "PLEASE! Please don't kill me!" the reporter begged before one of the dogs put a muzzle on her.
"What's she saying, Bill?" one of the dogs asked.
"I think she's saying, 'I love lasagna'," Bill answered sarcastically.
Meanwhile, Lincoln and Lana seemed to be living in luxury. Lana was playing with all of her exotic pets which were all roaming completely free while Lincoln was playing a video game. A dog then came up to him offering some refreshments. "Mmm, thanks Fido," Lincoln thanked the dog before Rick hit him from behind with a baseball bat, knocking him out.
"Grandpa Rick?" Lincoln asked in shock.
Lana also noticed her Grandpa's arrival. "Grandpa Rick, where've you been?"
"I've been playing dead. Good news, though, kids. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon," Rick stated.
"It is?" Lincoln asked.
"It's a dream, Lincoln." Rick explained. "We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after we all went to sleep, I used my dream inceptors to put the three of us inside Charles' dream."
"What? But it's been like a year here!" Lincoln stated, getting confused.
"It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like Inception, Lincoln, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie."
"Huh. I actually kind of enjoyed this life," Lincoln admitted.
"Yeah me too," Lana agreed.
"Yeah well now you can take comfort in the fact that the rest of your family haven't actually been slaves for a year. Anyway, d-d-d-don't worry about it, kids. Here, here take these, kids. Both of you take these," Rick said, giving both of them some kind of pills.
Both of them swallowed the pills without really thinking about it. "Are these pills gonna wake us up, or something?" Lana asked Rick.
"Close. It's gonna make your kidneys shut down."
ReplyDelete"WHAT?!"
"Just in the dream, not in real life. I modified the device so that the person dreaming can safely wake up on their own. It's necessary for the plan, kids. Don't even trip, dawgs," Rick tried to reassure them, stroking their faces.
Spot stood in front of a medical table with both Lincoln and Lana on it, looking deathly ill. On the other side of the table was Rick disguised as a dog.
"It's pretty bad, Emperor Spot. We're gonna need to do another operation," Rick explained.
"Anything," Spot whimpered in desperation, stroking their heads. "Anything for my precious Lincoln and dear Lana."
Another dog holding a clipboard approached the emperor. "Sir, as your accountant, I must advise you that these medical expenses are putting you in serious financial jeopardy. You could lose your kingdom."
Spot slapped the clipboard out of his accountants' hands. "To hell with my kingdom, bean counter. I would trade it all for my human's health and happiness."
"Do you think they would have done this for us?" the accountant asked.
"WE ARE NOT THEM!"
Spot refused to see himself as the many humans who didn't have a care for their pets. He knew Lincoln and Lana were different from the rest of his family, and it wasn't because he was the only boy.
He always meant more to him than almost any other person he met.
"We are not... them."
Spot then barked as he woke up from his dream. He climbed into his robot suit, got up from the bed and turned to the dog standing near the door. "Assemble the troops. I've made a decision."
Spot stood before the entire Loud Family, including the other pets, Cliff the cat, Geo the hamster and Walter the canary. They were currently near an animal shelter.
"Taking over the human's world will lead to nothing but more heartbreak, more cruelty. Instead, we will go to a new world and colonize it with a society of intelligent dogs, one that will not make the same mistakes as humanity and one where pet insurance will be mandatory," Spot gestured to the portal that a row of dogs were leaving in.
Leni stepped forward. "I'm sorry I couldn't find your test results before you had to leave."
ReplyDelete"It is alright, Leni," Spot reassured her. "Where we're going, we will never have to worry about losing our test results." Spot patted her head before Lincoln moved forward.
"I'm gonna miss you buddy," Lincoln stated sadly.
Spot hugged him. "You can call me Charles, Lincoln, and I'm going to miss you, too, very much." He gave Lincoln a lick before Lana then stepped forward, tears welling in her eyes.
"I'm really, really, REALLY gonna miss you Charles," Lana sobbed.
"I know," Charles stated before he kneeled down, got out of the robot suit and jumped on Lana giving her loads of licks while Lana enjoyed one last petting session. After a minute, Charles got back into the robot suit. He then turned to the other Loud House pets who seemed sad to see Charles go.
"Farewell my former bedfellows," Charles finally bid before walking towards the portal. After turning back to look at his former family one last time, he jumped through, leaving for good.
Lana started to cry again.
"It's ok Lana," Lincoln comforted her, giving her a hug and picking her up. "They'll be happy where they're going. Say Grandpa Rick what do you think it'll be like for them?"
"I think it will be great, Lincoln. You know it could be developed in-into a very satisfying project for people of all ages. I mean, I'd watch it, Lincoln, for at least 11 minutes a pop. You know, may-maybe they'll do it board-driven," Rick answered.
"Now doesn't that sound like a comforting idea Lana?" Lincoln asked her.
Lana sniffled before smiling at Lincoln. "I have no idea what he was talking about."
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